


Excerpts from TJ Hammond's Journal

by Trixie_Baggins



Category: Political Animals
Genre: Drug Abuse, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of past drug abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixie_Baggins/pseuds/Trixie_Baggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My therapist is determined that journaling will save my life.</p><p> </p><p>What does she expect from me?</p><p> </p><p>What does she expect from this?</p><p> </p><p>Is she hoping that scribbles in a book will cure me?</p><p> </p><p>Or that doodles on a page will save me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jennae Rianna](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jennae+Rianna).



> All of the chapters are really short, so I would suggest loading entire work.

My therapist says that having a creative outlet will be good for me. She's making me fill out this book. She said that she's gonna make sure I've written in it at every session.

 

I don't even know what to put in here.

 

What does she expect from me?

 

What does she expect from this?

 

Is she hoping that scribbles in a book will cure me?

 

Or that doodles on a page will save me?

 

Nothing works.

 

Believe me, I've tried.

 

I've tried everything but I can't be cured.

 

And I can't be saved.

 

But even if I could

 

Even if years of worrying, and medication, and hopeless hoping actually worked

 

I wouldn't deserve to be saved.

 

 

 


	2. Entry 9

 

The Devil's voice drips honey but his lies will cut you like a knife.

 

He'll tell you he loves you, but he doesn't mean it.

 

He'll break your heart, and walk over the fragments.

 

The Devil is two-faced.

 

He lives one life in the light of the public eye and the flash of the media's cameras, and another in the darkness of privacy.

 

He'll want to leave you in the dark, but don't let him.

 

Don't fall into his trap.

 

You are worth so much more.

 

So live in the light, because you are not something to be ashamed of.

 

You are beautiful.

 

 

 

They say the Devil wears a red cape and horns.

 

That's a lie.

 

He wears a two-piece suit, and a million dollar smile.

 

 

Trust me.

 

 

I know.

 

 

I fell in love with him.

 


	3. Entry 16

Douglas and Anne just got home from their honeymoon. Anne is so lucky. Doug is the best guy I've ever known, and trust me I've known a lot of them.

 

I envy them.

 

They've found the love of their lives.

 

I envy their happiness.

 

I remember how it felt to be happy.

 

I remember the happy part of my life the most because my mind wasn't addled by the drugs.

 

My life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows.

 

Mostly lows.

 

But the highs,

 

Man the highs

 

The highs are what's kept me alive.

 

Sean was the highest high

 

But he was also the lowest low.

 

And from the pit he dropped me in,

 

I've slowly started my climb back to the top.

 


	4. Entry 20

People say love is great.

 

That's it's beautiful

 

And makes your life so much better.

 

People are fucking liars.

 

Because I've loved

 

Repeatedly.

 

And it's awful.

 

It hurts

 

And it almost killed me.

 

Well, I almost killed me.

 

But because of love.

 

Same thing, right?

 

You can love things

 

And you can love people.

 

But things break

 

And people leave.

 

So, really,

 

What's the point?

 


	5. Entry 23

Today I found out that my father punched the then vice-president in the face.

 

Because of me.

 

Because Fred Collier was using me to turn Sean's vote.

 

I don't know what to say.

 

Or how to feel.

 

For the first time, in a long time,

 

I felt happy.

 

It's been much too long.

 

Happiness feels foreign.

 

 

 


	6. Entry 24

Addendum:

 

Happiness may feel foreign

 

But it also feels good.

 

I could get used to this.

 

 


	7. Entry 31

There's a new guy in my NA group.

 

He's pretty attractive.

 

Wears suits.

 

I can admire a man who wears suits for most of his life.

 

He looks really familiar though.

 

More on him later.

 

 


	8. Entry 32

Update on the hot guy in my NA meeting:

 

He works for mama's campaign.

 

That's why he looked so damn familiar.

 

That's why he was always wearing a suit.

 

“This is a bad idea” said some voice in my head.

 

Yeah, probably.

 

But that seemed to be all I knew:

 

Bad ideas.

 

 

 


End file.
